I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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