well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
