we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize