she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
