birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
