Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
