dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize