just come out here and I will go home with you...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
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