i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
