People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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