Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
