kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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