If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
