The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
