This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Pants are for mortals
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
