Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
