She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
