I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
