I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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