Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
