she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
