Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
