I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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