Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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