they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
