Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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