i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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