Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
