Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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