so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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