too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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