umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize