I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
