This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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