what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
