Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
