How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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