Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
