Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you guys were way drunker than both of me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
