She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
