Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize