So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
