I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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