I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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