are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
