one two three fourrrrnication!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
