everyone is single if you try hard enough
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
