i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
