this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize