i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
