I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
