So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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