Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I pour the whiskey from now on
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
