I love having hate sex.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
