You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
