he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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