How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
