My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
