I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
