i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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