guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
