the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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