Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
