So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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