Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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