Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My pussy is not your playground.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
