SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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