Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
