Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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