It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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