i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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