I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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