Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The adults are the big ones right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
