11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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