then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He better not be in your backpack
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
