his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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