you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
