Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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