She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
