UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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