party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
