got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
pop tarts are not kleenex
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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