I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize