Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
