I think i sorta joined a cult last night
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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