Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
