So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
