i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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