i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize