i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
