let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
