Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
