About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
