We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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