ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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