He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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