I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize