So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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