My room smells like vodka and shame
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
