Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
this is an emotional support booty call
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
